Chasing the sunset

How many times do you wake up in the middle of the night and wonder where your at?  Of course since these are my words most of you would assume that alcohol found its way into my bloodstream.  While the river may flow with some Cabernet Sauvignon, these days its probably a monster Syrah.  With that established, I think its time to establish that waking up in the middle of the night is the norm for me.  

At one point in my life this usually meant waking up in a new town, a new hotel, an old room, sometimes I could see the light from the street lamp coming through the windows and at times the room was dark enough to hide from the world.  These days I don’t care to hide.  I don’t care to walk the streets with a crutch, the terms of my days are based on the scars of the heart.  For some reason they just aren’t negotiable.

A couple of nights ago stayed up watching the web-cast fiasco in Austin about the abortion bill.  While my political stance for the most part is neutral, this one goosed me to a point of a radiation burst from the sun.  Why?  Was the first question, why is this even a vote?  Who?  This was the second question, who do these people think they are to challenge a law that is of the land?  Maybe I am naive, but what I am not is tired of the sunrise.  

My two cents, first an open comment to who this applies, “Sorry I don’t remember inviting you into my house.  Certainly don’t remember inviting you into the bedroom.”  Second, “If you cheat, doctor, steal, you go to jail!  So why are the parties that doctored a PUBLIC record not going to jail?”  Maybe if I had a wood nickel this would mean something.  Quick some one give me three more pennies so I can make change.

Part Deux of web-casting.  Lost a dear friend and watching friends reminisce about yesterday evoked tears of joy and sorrow.  A great glass of wine to toast a life.  A moment to remind the soul of screaming at the TV because God only knows the ‘retarded growth’ of the Cowboys on that day was just a small wonder in this life.  Time did fade away but Mr. Mark Garza your memory will always shine like a beacon that will die. 

Had a conversation where my silence was required.  Great job because with the twist and turns of fate you are one.  One who can make this soul realize that life is grander than the picture.  Not knowing whats on the other side of a dark corridor can scare you straight.  Chasing the sun from sun up to sun down might leave you breathless.  It will also teach you to open your heart and fly.

A simple phone call to hear your voice.  Someone sitting having a glass of wine and you realize the absence.  Can you scream?  Can you scream in absentia?  Why scream when you can stare?  The sunset will always remind you that you have seen it before.  “Don’t be afraid of your sunset!”  I won’t.

Today my heart hurts.  Today I don’t think I can reach my sunset.  But I can scream at my sunrise.  Today I hope the rain drops come.  Its easier to hide the tears.  In the middle of the night when I wake up, I don’t have to search my heart because you found me. 

Of course I can always close the blinds.  Nah.  To easy, would rather sit and take some time off from that emotion and watch the sunset.  When the dust settles and the river water meets the ocean remember that the mind is only expensive if you let it get away from you.  So sit back hold my hand and live!

For the record, the only great thing this week was, meanwhile back at the farm, our Supreme Court actually got something right for the first time.  Power to the people!  Once in a while when you look over the horizon you do get to see the sunset.  When your heart drives up to a movie theater and you see someone walking and you want to scream to the world, “Yes!  She is with me!”  or “Yes!  He is with me!”  you can, everyday you can....

Written with a heavy heart and with the hope of life.