Sometimes its easier...

Some people see a shrink or a therapist.  I like to write about my highs and lows, its cheaper.  Sometimes?

Sometimes its easier to hide in the shadows.  Its easier to drink to numb the smile you show the world.  To oft people want to know what freedom shines in your smile.  Yet they have no idea the weight of your heart.

This morning went for a walk to ‘not think.’  The question was “How did that work for you?”  The answer is simple, “Hold on…let me put my drink down and answer the question I don’t want to hear the answer to.”  

What happened to life?  What happened to my dreams?  What happened?

Well in a short summation.  Need to walk to the ‘far side of the sun.  Its a battle thats got to be won!”  Thank you CVC for that.  So what does this mean?  

Is this boy fucked up?  Broken?  Has his soul left him or better yet is it on vacation?  Maybe.

What if by chance he is one dark fuck who is trying to figure out a part of him that is empty? Way too deep.  Let me put that in simpler words.  He does not want anyone to know what is beneath the smile.

Maybe he is stuck in a moment he cant get out of….Thank you U2 really like that one.  Or just a man who is holding his heart out in his hand for someone to hold it.

Okay enough.  If the drain in your shower is suppose to wash away all your evil?  Then why o why does it feel it clings to me like a second skin?

As the Merry of the Holidays arrived there is a reason to be grateful.  Family.  Friends. Health.  A great bottle of Araujo Eisele Syrah.  A great wine has memories etched on the bottle, this one has the aroma of love, the flavor of life, and the long lasting effect of eternity in it.

A penny for your thoughts?  Sorry, far too valuable to inform you of what is behind the smile.  There is remembrance of an elephant mind, of laughter, freedom of the heart, and most importantly the warmth of a touch.

Sometimes is easier to just keep these moments locked away in the corner of my heart.  Lock them away in the middle of my mind.  They will will always be yours.  As I sit here enjoying this incredible glass of wine, somethings are between my mind and my heart.  Somethings are better left unsaid.

Happy Holidays to everyone.  Be nice to people.  Hold yourself to a higher standard.  I know I have failed at this.  I am working on myself.  Not for you or for anyone, for myself.  I need to understand the hate inside of me.

In the end all the broken pieces of my heart have gathered in a pool that you left behind.  Maybe one day they will heal.  Sometimes its easier to say the right things to people and not the truth.  Sometimes its easier to find solitude as your partner.

Rick Ramos