It has been a hot minute since I sat down to write a thought. When I woke this morning, the first thought was to call the old man and wish him a happy birthday. Have you ever had a phone call when you could see that person smile? Dad was indeed smiling. Initially, the arrogance was that it was because I called. Ha. After much thought through out the day came to realize he was just happy to be alive.
Watching him lately have come to realize that indeed he is at the tale end of his adventure in life. He remains skeptical about everything. He will always fill your soul with remembrance of this or that but will never miss a heart beat in telling you that this life is precious. Today his words were new but on point. “Thank you mijo. Remember this moment. Always cherish it.”
How astute of him that this life we have been given is about moments. Several years ago was at the crossroads. Was in the hospital, tubes everywhere from a near fatal personal issue. Remember telling him on the gurney for him to contact my attorney, that they had all my wishes before I went in for surgery. That look, fear, love, what could I do to ease his mind.
“Dad all will be well. Just know that I have lived.” He kissed my forehead and will never forget his words. “Mijo until the smile is genuine, it will always be a day late. When you get out life will start all over again for you. At that moment never take anything for granted. Your heart will never let you down. That which fills you will never leave you.”
Irony is that he was spot on. That which fills my heart will never leave me because it is what I chose to believe in. It is true, it is simple, but more than anything it is unchanged. The road might be a one way street but it will always be mine to cherish. Simple.
My dreams have not changed an ounce since that day. I believe. People come and go but if you have a true heart, a true faith, the only thing that will ever break your soul is yourself. 1, 2, 3,4 and the counting continues, but the dreams never lie. If you dream about being on top of the mountain then you will achieve it. If they scream at you for being ambivalent then step back and look at the mirror and have a do over.
Sure sometimes you see things in the most of stubborn manners where a do over might be overrated. Why? There are no rules to life. You can absolutely make them as you go, step by step one at a time. By all means it's a marathon, and when you finally see the finish line, it can be empty. Hell no one might be there waiting for you. As long as you know it is honest and sincere, smile.
Tomorrow is here and nothing has changed. I still feel a love so grand in my heart that no other will ever experience it. That which is yours will always be yours. I know that smile, it is genuine all the time when you cross my thoughts. It’s the one true emotion inside of me. Yes Dad, you are spot on, the day may be late, but the emotion will always be the same. The dreams don’t lie, when the excitement wakes me and I stare in the mirror that reflection in the mirror is the smile that is true to my heart.
My simple truth can be found in the lyrics to a song My Best Friend:
“Love is where this begins
Thank you for letting me in
I’ve never had to pretend
You’ve always known who I am
And I know my life is better
Because you’re a part of it.”
I guess this would be my word salad. A day where YOU didn’t escape my thoughts. Where no matter how empty it all feels, knowing that my glass is half full when it comes to you is all that matters to my heart.
Called Dad to ask him how his day had gone. “It was a good day. I am still breathing.” The glass is always half full. Always believe in your heart.
Me
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