What James Dean said about this picture.

                                                                                    WOW!  Elizabeth Taylor is napping next to me...

Your a very foolish man...indeed

To my utter surprise walked to the mail box with my superman cup of coffee and was flipping through the stack of bills and enjoying the morning when I saw the letter.  There in plain sight of the morning glory written in his all to familiar hand writing was a letter from one of my great friends in life.  My excitement was one of a child walking into a toy store, I was besides myself.  I had not heard neither hair nor shinola from him.  This was not great news this was incredible news.

As I engulfed his words it was apparent to me that my friend had become inconceivably somber and humble in his life.  Words such as ‘insane’ demanded a larger than life definition from my menial mind.  The greatness that one can find in solitude is not from the surface of our skin but from the bowels of our soul.  This is what his words were screaming at me.  No.  They pierced my gut, my soul, my life, he reaffirmed my nuthouse decisions.  He validated my thoughts.  Or was I reading too much into the first page of his four page letter?

After crawling out of an incredible blank space in my thoughts its amazing to me how many words spin inside my head right next to the gerbil that is moving the machine.  Infamous are the quotes that make no sense.  “Why cry over spilled milk?”  What does it mean?  Seriously?  I can see myself crying over a spilled beer or maybe a broken cork from a perfect bottle of wine, but spilled milk?  What am I...3?  

In the past several weeks I have restrained myself from drinking too much.  I will have the occasional glass of wine or even a stiff drink but the idea of not having a clear head scares the crap out of me these days.  My desire to make a change in my life is one that requires it to be free and pure of anything that could cloud it.  

2011 finished with a raucous thunder.  “I’m gonna make a change, for once in my life.  Its gonna feel real good, gonna make a difference.  Gonna make it right.”  For the first time in my life the window to someone’s soul cried out for help.  It was embedded in me.  My skin crawled with agony.  No longer could I walk the shallow walls of my life.  My life had to stand for something.  No preaching.  I had to look inside and change.

I knew of only a selfish type of love.  It was one of giving with hopes of expecting in return.  Last night I was with friends and all I wanted to do was make that bigger change in me.  The image in my mirror was no longer the same person.  He no longer believed peoples bullshit.  I am a very foolish man...indeed.  For lack of a better way of screaming it...I am absolutely fucking crazy.  No mid-life crisis I just have to stand up and LIVE.  I have to believe in life again.  And then she texted...”I know your great”  

Am I?  No quotes just a simple expression of faith.  The one that is finding its way back.  On the final page of my friends letter he re-iterated the love of my heart.  He reaffirmed the change inside my soul.  He realized my dreams with a simple quote from Steve Jobs:

“Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

He finished his kind words with the most incredible words ever written to me...  “That my friend says it all.  Now where do I sign up? And point me in the right direction!”  No longer a victim of a selfish kind of love.  No pretending.  No blaming a broken heart.  No messages to life.  Just gonna make that change inside.  And I am changing my ways, right now at 4:33 in the morning.  When my soul is weeping in solitude for those that can’t I am staring at the man in my mirror.  

Change.  Live to give someone that smile.  The message is that clear.  Indeed I am a very foolish man.  My friend!  You sign the dotted line of your soul.  You hold my hand and we cross our fingers and hope we don’t fuck this up.  

Thank you Michael Jackson for the inspiration of words and music.  Borrowed with a heavy heart.  “Man in the  Mirror”  2012.  Stand up and live.  Stand up and lift yourselves.  Stand up and make a difference.

ME

Out with the old and in with the new...

2012 Disclaimer...first words to escape the cavity of my mind after one of the worst writers blocks I have ever had.  First words written sober...I am concerned for the record.

That time of the year once again.  Oh yes, take out the sheet of paper and begin the lies.  Every year throughout our lifetime we start the first minutes of the year, inebriated with a false belief.  “I am going  to loose weight!”  Right.  Until you pass the Whataburger and the #5 never looked so good.  Do you ever wonder why McDonalds sells the McRib this time of the year?  Now those guys are marketing experts, those capitalist pigs.  I say this with SO much love.  Loosing weight has never been at the top of my New Years resolution, in fact it has never existed.  I’m too much of a fatass.

This year I have decided to do something completely off my rocker and God knows that I'm getting pretty close to that rocker.  Walked in to my closet and realized that some of my shirts pre-date the invention of time or at least when the guys from Van Halen consisted of Eddie, Alex, Michael Anthony, and Big Wave Dave.  Back then Wolfgang, was rocking Amadeus.  There was the serial shirt that if memory serves me well was purchased at the now defunct Gibson’s.  For the record that shirt scored by itself back in the day.  Again back in the day.  These days it would be better served at the local car wash unfortunately I think its lead based.

Seriously, how many of you can say that you own a piece of history in your closet?  Liars.  Come now, its 2012 we decided we would start off the year not lying to ourselves.  My Doc Martins are from the original 100 that they made.  Hey!  Don’t laugh 100 years from now they will still be in pretty good shape.  Then of course there are my favorite jeans.  Yes they have come and gone in style about three times.  Originally they were bought in 1985, so they are a little old and have holes, these type of jeans with holes were going for 200.00 at Nordstroms not that long ago.  For the record they are no longer in style once again.

I ventured cautiously to the mall.  Indeed folks I am living proof that God has a sense of humor and that God indeed is a woman.  A woman who built the mall, and built it to aggravate the living shit out of every man on this planet.  Now it takes me all of 5 minutes to get what I want.  What’s annoying is the woman in front of you who makes this comment, “If we wait until tomorrow it will be 50% off.”  Its annoying because it took her 25 minutes to decide she was not going to buy it.  Note to self ladies, just buy the darn thing.  Life is too short for regrets.  Hmm, that would be a good 2012 resolution...no regrets.  Unfortunately I own a closet full of them.

This year I heard one of the most beautiful songs ever.  “The Remedy” by Jason Mraz and those words echo through me.  My somber approach to 2012 is about giving someone a smile.  That simple truth is what this year and the rest of my life will serve.  “I say the tragedy is how you're gonna spend the rest of your nights with the light on so shine the light on all of your friends because it all amounts to nothing in the end.”  This year I will LIVE TO GIVE SOMEONE A SMILE.  That’s it!  That’s my Resolution.  Before you right it down...make 2012 count for something.  

Much love in this the year of the great love.  

Rick

finding a reason

Judy Garland once sang somewhere over the rainbow way up high, there’s a land that I heard of once in a lullaby.  To dissect such words requires time and patience with yourself.  Finding a reason is not a question its a quest.  To be over me as the Beatles once wrote was a fight of the soul trying to scream that if I get on my knees and beg you will find me?

Why is it that people will walk by a homeless human being and not offer a helping hand?  A jaded sense of superiority to life, such a shame that as a society we are such a cold and callus being.  There is a solution to this, its called fear!  A fear of being them.  

Words don’t encompass what our hearts can accomplish, yet our emotional immaturity will always allow us to walk right by the child fighting for a penny to fill the belly.  And how do you feel about yourself right now?  I’m sure inside you justified walking by with rhetoric that allows you to look in the mirror and see a bigger person.  “Maybe, your going to be the one that saves me.”  For all the infighting that two brothers could muster no words of love were ever spliced together more eloquently.

Yet I sit here typing away stretching the imagination of my vacant soul with the hurt of the world inside of me.  Realizing how special my life honestly is and all I can think of is those who quietly hurt from loss or want because they don’t have.  Not a bleeding heart, just the simplest of truths bottled up in a man whose only wanton desire is for the smile that saves me.

Funny thing is I sit listening to this incredible musician taking others words and giving them a beauty and a life of there own.  Smoking a cigar and drinking some wine, who am I?  Maybe this life is that combustible and cynical and all were trying to do is breath.  

Salvatore Principe is this passionate man who creates these unbelievable pieces of art, designs some clothing, and now his driven ambition is to make some wine.  What drives someone to do so much?  Generosity to those who can’t in this day and age is a gift and yet that is all this man does.  His giving heart in accountable.  Are you? 

I often find myself asking this easy question, how much is enough?  The answer to my silly question, enough is “when you wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind you.  Where troubles melt like lemon drops away above the chimney tops,” thats when enough will fill this soul.  Judy Garland was a special women, she was beautiful in life and hopefully she found the end of her rainbow.  

As for me, when I find mine, I hope there is life free of question with a simple glass of wine and a cigar so I can create the clouds that allow children to find a reason.

Salut

two hearts that beat as one...rip

Richard and Elizabeth

It's true that the life of one can best be deciphered with the dark days of another.  A man truly dreams to find a place in the corner of a room to find a reason why?  While a woman finds the center of the room to be the universe of the man who quietly watches her serenade his heart.  In Richard we found Shakesperean tragedy while in Elizabeth we found comedy.  The great truth to this love was what was lost.  This hurt will hurt no more never more apparent in two people.  A spirit that builds and grows like ivy on the chapel walls of a heart.
If this is my sonnet to life then let it be deciphered for the absence of drink.  For his drunkard life can unly grow in the womb of his soul.  Such a thing called dreaming and hope in that clouds full of rain will wash away the dirt from these scars.  When Richard pledged his love it was indeed eternal and yet mortal.  Therefore when Elizabeth pledged her eternal love it was mortal.  Two souls...one great love.  A story to remain untold and never to truly be understood unless one could survive such a comedy of tragic proportions.
Shakespear only wished he could have written this act in the everlasting life of love.

Dear old age look what you have done to us...

Today I looked in the mirror and became acutely aware of the shadows that overwhelm the passing of time.  It is now official, I have become one of them!  It was only yesterday that I would sit and point at the 27 year olds and think to myself, “wow they are so ancient.”   Arguments with Mom and Dad about them not understanding kids now a days.  The music that would blister my ear drums in disgust has now become my swan song for meditation.

What a travesty that for the rest of my life kids will look at me with a disdain and they will either appreciate the authentic nature of my existence or offer me a Senior Citizen Discount.  Okay, I can lie and tell everyone that since my life exist because of wine then surely that is my being.  It only gets better with time.  Of course, that’s it, I only get better with time.  Mirror, mirror on that magical wall what have you done with all of these years?  What are these white follicles coming out of my head?

Walking through my son’s school it was interesting to see those children looking and staring at me as some sort of prized possession.  “I bet you he was born 100 years ago.”  “What gives with the hair?”  The sick sense of being disrobed with eyes that only a vulture could snatch from the sky.  My time had arrived, I am now my father.  Someone please buy me a drink!

I look at my wardrobe and smile at the antiquated nature of it and please understand that I use this word because there is no shame to hide the fact that I still own a 1991 Van Halen T-Shirt.  Michael J Fox will always be Michael Keaton and the Facts of Life girls will never be hot.  However Heather Thomas will never be confused with Heather Locklear, and we all know Who shot JR!

So what does one contemplate now?  Walking into a bar the girls don’t look at me with a sense of awe, instead they ask me for the name of my daughter so they can go get her from the bathroom.  There was a time where the ‘witching hour’ was king, and the come on line was simple and sweet.  Now the simple appreciation of a beautiful women, can get me arrested for indecency.

Yes, Father time is here and instead of contemplating down town, I wonder, quietly albeit, if the Bingo Parlor is happening.  At least the jokes of this generation will be something along the line, “Who is Bruce Springsteen?  Or who would name a band Ratt?  What is a Motley Crue?”  These the songs that guided my path to rebellion are now being played sans vocals as the dreaded elevator music.  

Life does have a sense of humor though, each generation trying in vain to leave a mark on the next one.  In this lifetime, Nickelback will be Van Halen and its excess, Jett will attempt to be school boys in shorts thinking its all about a power source.  While there will never be another U2, who will replace Depeche Mode?  Rather who will aspire to be great?  

Maybe we will look at Little Wayne and think he is Lionel Ritche?  Nah!  As I get older, please offer me the Senior Citizen Discount but the youth that we will so depend on remember one thing, been there and done that.  The knowledge and wisdom I leave behind for you to learn, is Jose Cuervo does not apologize to anyone!  

In closing, to you my friends that find yourself looking at the miles of time that accentuate your beauty.  Our time is now, we can relish the fact that tomorrow our children will have to learn the valuable lesson of life.  We can give them wisdom and we can steer them but they will never know what it was like to Party like its 1999.