There I was sitting at the bar inside Terminal 2 at the Benito Juarez Airport in Mexico City enjoying a Jack, Mineral Water, and a splash of Coke Cola for color. A very important soccer game was on the screen. Couldn’t tell you who was playing but the standing room only crowd probably could have. They gasped with every errant shot and screamed when a goal was made, it was a scene straight from a Victor Fleming movie.
I started writing down words that best described my mood, there was incredible joy mixed with a sense of not. The first thing that popped in my mind were words put together to have a definition. “No one gives a shit about what the sky looks like when the sun sets!” It wasn’t that it disturbed me, more to the fact of how we fail to see what is in front of us.
Inherent are the days when two people are together and fail to see what surrounds them. The fear of danger dissipates by the bond of those seconds. Do we deserve those seconds? We learn to appreciate those seconds years later when they don’t exist. To learn the quirks of another human being is not love but rather the difference between wanting and deserving. Much can be said about love. I have seen it come and go and have run away from it. The love that surrounds me is greater than who I am.
What can one give someone rich with love in their heart? Seconds. Minutes. Hours. Moments. A river that flows into the open arms of the ocean is my cathedral of time. Endless! No longer do I need to forgive myself for yesterday because today love is within me!
There was a day not that long ago inside a room with cold white walls. Sitting idle in the corner with my thoughts of yesterday as my father fought for his life. In those moments so much of who I was then, was destroyed. It was a moment where loneliness found its way into my heart. In my idle time little by little the layers of who I was were peeled one by one until there was nothing left.
The moments of uncertainty enlightened me to forgive.
When the good Doctor came out he sat and grabbed my mothers hand. Fear instantly found its way into my soul. Then he spoke of the recovery, he spoke of the strength of this old man. How he would live another day to bust my balls. I walked with my friend away from my family and asked as only a friend could ask, “How will he really be?”
My father lost a couple of seconds of his life to only gain moments with his family. To cherish those words is beyond reason. I remember walking outside, standing, staring at the blue sky, with tears in my eyes, realizing how beautiful life was. It was one of the most beautiful sunrises I had ever witnessed.
One by one the clouds would come together to form a heart. There within me was this great love. There within me was this great responsibility. Suddenly I was my father. Going back in my thoughts the sky started to clear of the clouds and suddenly my soul would find a reason when it needed and would be wounded when alone.
This dubious life within and the struggle to live allowed the darkness to hover over me. Its face was deep within my bowels. How could I be the one to carry a torch of life when my own was with out words. My friends found a reason for me. Never one to be anyones hero, mine was a heroine. This simple incredible woman, one who would stand by me forever sensed my hurt. She of all people could never be nothing but great in my soul.
I suddenly found myself again. Nothing mattered anymore but then again her simple words gave me direction. Life became infinite again. Now when the smoke of my cigar found its way to the sky it created the clouds that my finger could design into a smile. My blue sky grey was now a rainbow of lights, my home was no longer my prisoner. My glass was once again half filled.
Tonight I sit outside with my cigar and this glass of wine. The voice inside me is that my sunset is clear. To run away from it is laughable now. You can’t escape your own demons you can claim foul but there will always be a Kristie Alexander in this world. A woman with a heart of gold and uncanny ability to just tell you that life sometimes does get in the way. So we find a different route.
Thank you and cheers to my friend Kristie Alexander for finding some unknown reason that day to call me. To make me realize what life is. Today I find myself flying again and with the confidence that had left me. You my friend deserve a million cases of PG...
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