I reach with my finger tips and feel like the sky is near. The wind swirls through the fingers much like a merry go round goes round and round. Reach for the ground and the finger tips hold on to the toes. The sudden warmth on this old man’s 47 year old body doesn’t come fast enough. What happen to the years? When did my youth take a vacation? Who approved it?
There was a time where all I had to do was slip on the sneakers and take off. Not anymore! There is the stretching of the back. Laugh it up guys. Seriously, if the back is not warm, then the pain won’t allow me to run from one end of the room to the next much less a marathon. The body doesn’t lie anymore, it doesn't hold secrets. Its a car that needs oil on the joints, or maybe just a change of oil. Whatever it needs trust that I won’t give in to easy.
The run these days has been nothing short of magical. 5 glorious miles along the banks of the Gironde in Bordeaux. I slip on the earphones and plug in the iPhone and listen to a new playlist that I created with the simplest of titles, Metro. The songs range The Black Crowes, ‘Go Faster,’ to the quirky belching of words from Jason Mraz. Ironically its not the music that makes the run for me rather the thought and emotions that I iron out while the sidewalk paces by.
And today it was the people along this path that encompassed my thoughts. My pace well set by the kids in their roller blades showing mom and dad what they could do. The smile of two friends laughing at some inconsequential thought. The old man staring at the Gironde with a river of emotion left peacefully by time in the scars of his eyes. The man holding hands with his lover, not caring that anyone would dare judge them. The woman holding her daughter tightly as if years had run past her, with eyes lit like stars to shine a light to love.
Indeed the run gave me perspective on much, a man holding a woman’s hand. With no prying eyes, skin color didn’t matter, it was a man in love with a woman. A woman beset by the beauty of the day sitting with her thoughts and music. A run surreal with life.
Yet here was this man, quietly being a voyeur in their lives for that split second. Wondering where in this puzzle of life his thoughts would find eternal rest. Its amazing that if your lost its certain that you will be found by a heart that gives reason.
Often accused of being ‘pinche’ for the simple reason that I prefer to do mundane things. Cutting the grass. Fixing a small plumbing issue. Heck, washing my own car. Or wanting to fix your fan, or even laying down the wood floor in my office. Not practical, just a moment where those seconds, minutes, hours will cure the bigger issue of my thoughts. Sometimes its during those moments that I can decipher the bigger question.
Today running was about looking for my sunset. A dear friend once explained in words of my fear of this inevitable sunset. From the forest that hides my burrow, to the stones that shatter my windows, and this thought of giving and never taking, I know what that shadow that follows me wants to say. So instead I stay a step ahead. “I can’t write my song, when my strings won’t tune.”
After the run, walking to catch my breath, the thoughts they had a conversation while I sat idol and listened. This boy of mine, how could I ever re-pay him for the pain I inflicted on him. Would he ever forgive me? Yesterday we walked side by side along this path of history, staring at the statues, talking. Him asking me about life? Him asking me why? Him telling me his dreams. His words, his voice, it broke my soul and today my run gave me reason.
For Andrew Alexander Ramos…you give me reason. I love you…Dad
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